I live in a world where people get along, disputes are settled with a good old fashioned game of pub pong, beer flows freely every Friday night, and I can always come home to a kiss and cuddle with Leonie (my wife)...

If life begins at 40 the day should begin at Midday.

I used to have a sense of humor, but one day a huge fight erupted between my sense of fair play and my sense of dignity, and my sense of adventure thought it might be adventurous to join in (got a fat lip for his trouble). In the melee that ensued, my sense of anger flattened my sense of humor, until my sense of fear had to call the cops, and the whole lot were carted off in a paddy wagon leaving me somewhat senseless..
Oh.. did you know that I have finished writing my novel?

Can anyone find my socks? While youre at it find my keys...